How can this be?
I guess maybe he knew he was going to die young and there wasn't much he could do about it. He lived life. He was present for his kids. He was so kind and welcoming to everyone. Apparently his father passed away from a heart attack in his 40s. That loss drove him to be a certain kind of human, a certain kind of father to his two kids and what I observed to be a loving husband and partner to his wife. I didn't know him well though.
It's just so unbelievable I'll never see him again and devastating that his kids won't. That's what really gets me. I can't stand the thought. The thought of it... sitting with it... it's the weight of a boulder. It just crushes me into a puddle. How can this be? And why? And what is the correct response? Is it to make an appointment with the doctor and have him run a bunch of tests on me just to make sure? I often can't think of the simplest of words. I can't remember names. Is it early dementia? All I want is for my children to grow up with me. Please don't take me away from them.